Oh God he is back and even more ticked off than before…….
There is a fantasy hockey legend that Turkey Rambo comes out once every year to avenge the slaughter of fantasy hockey teams. People want to know the fantasy duds before they become duds. With the pace of how hockey news often travels. See Deadspin for an Islander article of all places just for an example. The bottom line is injuries are crucial to success and how a GM avoids them. Unfortunately those players that are healthy who play like crap (the Turkeys) are the real bane of many GM’s and their fantasy existence.
Over the next two days, we are going to let the masses pick their favorite fantasy turkeys at the quarter pole. We have allowed special exceptions to include whole teams and lines, even defensive pairing if the case warrants it. There is only one simple request. Do not go gentle here as the goal is to let these turkeys have it so other fantasy GM’s do not make the same mistake.
It has been asked, do we have a teaser here? The answer is yes of course. If we did not, this column would be in a pile of turkey dung. There are “Degrees Of Turkey” in a twist. No its not enough to humiliate these players, we have decided a special 1 to 5 star turkey system for these characters who ruins teams and make GM’s want to throw clocks into walls or beat their heads into them.
For those keeping score at home, here is our Turkey Scale:
- 1 Turkey Baster = Slightly Cooked Roster Killer
- 2 Turkey Basters = Medium Well Roaster Killer
- 3 Turkey Basters = Well Done Roaster Killer
- 4 Turkey Basters = Deep Fried Roaster Killer
- 5 Turkey Basters = Smoked Roaster Killer
This will truly be a labor of love for the fantasy owner. It is an easy way to determine who has cooked your fantasy team the most this holiday season. Christmas is around the corner in a month so there will be a Fantasy Christmas Wish List as well as a list from Santa Claus himself. Keep in mind that though the message here seems to be rather humorous on the surface these GM killers are a very serious threat to fantasy teams. The goal is to spot these guys and we will even have Turkeys To Watch For in the second quarter. Again we want to thank the many fantasy hockey sites that help us out. You can find them on the page under our extensive links collection.
There are a few hints that we can throw out there to everyone. Olli Jokinen and Marty Turco or somewhere on these lists. That can be 100% absolutely confirmed. Also expect to find several high profile superstars residing on the lists somewhere as well, even some 100 million dollar guy. There is also our three team turkey awards as well. This will be one you will want to tell your friends and yes it will be an integral part of Wednesday Night’s shortened show that could be on “Smashmouth Wednesdays” on the Fantasy Sports Channel.
Either way, we want your thoughts. Give us all your fantasy turkeys and let us have it. If we do miss a few in these lists, take us to task for it! Time to get started. The clock is ticking in many fantasy hockey leagues and the faster we get this message out, the faster some teams may be saved. Do you part today and thanks again on behalf of fantasy owners everywhere.
