Crack the beers, light the funeral torches, and burn the body viking funeral style! My hope is already dead for the season. After 4 pre-season games the Blackhawks are already back to their “We just ain’t that great” ways. With a super stellar (read sarcasm) 1-2-1 record their burning the candle from both ends and people are fleeing the UC like it’s the birthplace of the Apocalypse.It’s like Bill Wurtz and Dale Tallon can’t stop taking a big fat crap on us fans. If they’re not doing it then it’s our star players getting hurt or feigning injury with all the toughness of an 8 year old girl. Wahoo. We’re doomed!
So crack open the beers and kill the pain. Pains still there? You must be doing it wrong. The key is to be about half-soused at the beginning of the 3rd period and be set to be drunker than sin by the end of the period when shit turns sour. I don’t know how much more I can take of watching my team suck it up like an industrial vaccuum. It’s fucking embarrassing. You want to wear your sweater and support your team, but then apply the paper bag over your head so no one knows how sad and pathetic you’re really doing. At some point there’s going to be a suicide watch for the entirety of Blackhawks nation. All 35 of us.
We gotta get it together for god’s sake! We’re the 3rd largest city in the US, a member of the Original 6 and you can’t find our fans with a compass, a map, and a GPS. If Bill can’t make $ from the team he has to be doing something wrong.And so I suggest we revolt. Complete and total revolution! We’ll start by booing our players at home when they lose and then follow them on the road for similar purposes. Or perhaps we go Guerilla and kid nap Bill. We hold him for a ransom of another $10 mil in salary per year. In short: Start drinking or Viva la Revolucion!
