(Photo Credit: Comstock.com/nachos)
Yes it is that time of year already for the beginning installment of The Nacho Report with Mary Przywara. This is season four already where Mary and her fiance Ashok sample nachos from various NHL arenas to determine the supreme champion. Coming later in the year will be our tour of good eats but until then here is installment one from Mary herself. Enjoy the fun and cheese too.
Never fear, the Nacho Report is here! You’re faithful and favorite nacho enthusiasts are back and better than ever! We took the summer off and went just over 5 months without nacho goodness- even passing on the nachos at our local movie theatre, and let me tell you, they’d give TDBank Garden a run for the glory- just so we’d be ready and able to bring you the best season of Nachoismo ever! We have high hopes for this season, and we’re looking forward to bring you Reports from 7 new arenas as well as a handful or more of perennial favorites and perennial repulsives. Whose cheese will reign supreme? Only one way to find out!
The contestant: New Jersey, Prudential Center
Eaten on: October 8 @ Devils vs. Stars
Grade: B
Season 4 of the Nacho Report gets it start where it so often does: The Rock! Last year we gave them a bye for the home opener in hopes that by waiting, they wouldn’t serve us a tray of cold pathetic garbage. They did alright last year, so this year we dove right in.
After the first period (Ah, the first period. When things were still exciting and joyous in Devils land), Ashok joined the nacho line while I went to pee (why am I sharing that?). With fresh, clean hands I found Ashok as he was getting napkins. Before we could return to our seats, I took a chip and dipped. Shocked, I grabbed him by the arm and announced “I think we have a contender!” Holy freeholy catfish (if you get that reference, I love you); Jersey had finally gotten all the elements together!
Ashok left me to indulge while he went to get more free sushi. In his absence, I learned that all was not as well as we thought. Now that the cheese was both steaming hot and properly seasoned…. some of the chips were stale. Yes folks, that’s right. The Rock failed the easiest part of the whole nacho experience: the chips. They have now 100% lived up to their San Jose Sharks Award from last season. They have shown us that they have all the elements, they have the tools and technology, but they just can’t get them all together at the same time. Such a pity. What a letdown.
Naturally, we had to disagree when it came to the lettergrade. I think that failing at the easiest part of nacho preparation warrants a straight B. Ashok thinks that a B+ is more deserving because of the “magic cheese”. He appreciated the paradox that the cheese provided: the colder it got, the hotter/spicier it got. Eventually he saw my side of things, and since it is always harder to grade the first nachos of the season, we went with a B.
There was no rest for the weary (and weary we were after a long-assed ride and too much freakin’ traffic) as the Capitals home opener the next night beckoned!
***
The contestant: Washington DC, Verizon Center
Eaten on: October 9 @ Devils vs. Capitals
Grade: C-
Not going to lie, we were not excited that the nacho eating season was getting an early taste of the Verizon Center. This is the place that was spared a big o’ “F” two seasons ago simply because we ate them. They’re stingy with the chips and stingy with the cheese that they dump on the top layer of chips. I guess you really can’t complain about that though, because they taste nasty and are ice cold. Do you want a lot of something that tastes like dirty ass or a just a little? Right?
Anyhoo, we decided we would try to help DC crawl out of the nacho cellar. Mmmm…. nacho cellar. Wouldn’t that be awesome? We ordered and asked that our cheese please be on the side, which they were happy to do. Still, having to ask for something so commonplace and logical deducts valuable points.
We dipped, and… well… I guess you can’t say we were disappointed as we’ve come to not expect anything too far above “edible” to describe these. They were kinda-sorta warm, but there was no punch to the cheese. There was a certain special creaminess that I enjoyed, but certainly the heat was lacking. And like usual, they don’t give you very much.
Once again, we debated the letter grade. I thought C or C+ because compared to the sewage we’d been served in the past, these were much more pleasant. But Ashok was able to convince me to see things his way: not enough chips, having to ask for the cheese on the side, not hot enough and lacking spice… I guess that is a lot of deductions. However, I refused to subtract more points because they cheese wasn’t “magic.” There will be no point deductions based on Ashok’s weirdness!
And with that, The 2010-11 Nacho Report is underway!
A 2.5 week break was much needed as we are about to embark on a NR first: 3 nachos in 3 different places in 4 nights! The search for a winner of the Golden Nacho Trophy is taking us to the Golden State where 3 brand new contestants throw their chips into the ring! Or, should that be onto the ice? Stay tuned!
