Who doesn’t love Marian Gaborik? He owns the Wild’s franchise records for career goals (145), assists (144), therefore points (you do the math*), and surprisingly PIM (204). He scored the first goal, first power play goal, and first hat trick in Minnesota Wild franchise history. He is the Wild’s first All Star (2002) earning 2nd star honors for his play (1G, 2A). His lightning speed and exceptional playmaking abilities make him a threat to score at any time. His speed also draws penalties like an underwear-less Britney Spears draws paparazzi. He has three 30 goal seasons, notching 38 last year in only 65 games. The difference he makes in games is unmistakable: the Wild’s record with him in the lineup 10 – 3 – 2. Without 15 – 17 – 2. (*Get out your slide rulers, there may be more math.)
So, who doesn’t love Marian Gaborik? Well, me, for one. Remember that ‘without Gaborik’ statistic? (You don’t? Oh, c’mon! It’s two lines above!) Add those games up. (Told you.) That’s right! That is 34 games he missed with a sprained groin. He also missed 6 games last year due to the same sprained groin. Thus, making his groin the second most suspect groin next to the aforementioned Ms. Spears. This is a guy the Wild are paying $19 million over 3 years. Giving that kind of money to a player that has yet to play a full season without injury is crazy. The kind of outhouse-rat-crazy normally reserved for people that actually believe there is a barrister in Nigeria who is going to use their bank account to transfer large sums of money for a deposed dictator’s son. And apparently there is a decelerator clause in his contract where he loses money if he passes too often. The Wild also expended quite a bit of energy and money to get Pavol Demitra, one of Gaborik’s BFF in hockey, just to make him happy, and resign for all those millions of dollars. That’s worked out just peachy! Well, it did for the first 6 games, but without Gaborik, Demitra has been pedestrian. Sub-pedestrian. Meanwhile, the Wild’s wearer-of-the-C, statistical leader and lone all star representative is making 1/3 of what Gaborik makes, and 1/2 of what Demitra makes. Which, I guess could just mean Rolston needs a better agent.
Marian Gaborik has always reminded me of the kid who shows up at a neighborhood game, and who is more talented, by tenfold, than anyone else on the ice. And although everyone one knows this, the kid just has to show up everyone. Dipsy-doodles between his legs. Skates around with the puck for five, just because he can. I mean, c’mon! I’m wide open! Pass to me, you little snot-nosed whippersnapper! You look at this kid and you just want to crush him with an open ice check, even though he’s on your team. You’d like to crush, but he’s just 10 years old, and you’re 28 and you should know better. Plus, you’re getting tired, your back is starting to stiffen up, and remember, you tried to check himearlier, but he just skated around your slow-ass. Lousy kid. Yeah, so, Marian Gaborik is that kid.
So, who else doesn’t love Marian Gaborik? You can count his teammates in that group. Who, I believe, may agree with my assessment of Gaborik. They see him as an insolent (hold out to start the 03-04 season), selfish (non-pass-itude), irresponsible (has yet to back check a day in his life) snot-nosed whippersnapper. You think I make up tales? Witness, Jarrett Stoll, in a January 12th game in Edmonton, all but took off his skate and cut Gabby with it, while Gaborik was dropping a puck into an empty net. No one did anything to back him up. So, the next time the two teams met Gaborik had to retaliate on his own. Checking Stoll hard, if clumsily, into the boards by Edmonton’s bench. Stoll would later challenge Gabby to some extracurriculars. Two teammates were right next to Stoll, and could have jogged Stoll’s brain around in his brain-sac, but instead skated away while Stoll continued his pushing and jabbing at Gabby. The same sorts of things happened earlier, Dion Phaneuf gave Gabby the ol’ Stink Palm. Nothing. Kevin Bieksa absolutely crushed Gaborik like a hot chick does a nerd’s hopes and dreams. Nada. Zip. El Zilcho. Not even from Gaborik’s BFF. Isn’t this exactly the reason the Wild have Derek Boogaard? (I submit Gaard Dog as his nick-name as the Boogey Man was already used.) Has Lemaire told his team not to retaliate to teach Gaborik a lesson he’s never going to learn in a million years?
Finally, who doesn’t love Marian Gaborik? Every team he plays against. The guy can score seemingly, at times, at will. He’s a ridiculously good fast skater with an eye for the net, and a stick that can put it home. Which is why they all take runs at him. The Wild had better learn their lessons and start to protect Gabby. The evidence is all there, without him they are the Hindenburg, Titanic, and Exxon Valdez all wrapped up into one super-colossal-failure-ship. With him, they are a really nice luxury car with leather seats and all the options and can cruise fairly easily into the playoffs.
I do not love Marian Gaborik, yet. I like him. But as a Wild fan, you have to ask yourself, “Self, would I rather have a team full of Rolstons? Or a team full of Gaboriks?” Of course the answer is a team of Rolstons (‘Team of Rolstons” is my new Band Name, by the way). Unless you actually believe 10 – 8 is a good hockey game. You would say a team of Rolstons even though you know Gaborik has more talent. In fact, he has more talent going to waste than most are using. And that’s the real problem. I want him to become a complete player, one that back checks, passes, creates plays for others, and stays healthy. All of that equals a true franchise player worthy of all the money heaped upon him. Until then, as the boy band Hanson might warble, “MMMBop.” I’m sorry, I mean, “Where’s the Love?”
