I wonder if Dr. Seuss was alive, what he would say about these awards and better yet if the NHL had a set of cajones. First off, we cannot forget the label of being well rejected.
Yes it is a very simple yet useful word especially for our case here. So here they come…our first annual The Program Reject NHL Awards……
First up is the Pension Plan Puppets Award for Worst Owner:
Our nominees: The Toronto Maple Leafs group, Florida Panthers partnership, The NHL
The Red Wing: For the best way to skirt the salary cap.
Our nominess: The Flyers (For their IR methods), The Wings (for Jiri Hudler), Chicago (for their RFA snafu)
The Lyrical Diarrhea Award: For the worst hockey song.
Our nods: Hey Devils Catch Fire, The 80’s Flames song, The Malkin Mash
The Chris Wassel Memorial Award: Award for mass consumption.
Our nods: Dominik Hasek, Rob Ramage, Darren McCarty
The Dany Heatley Car Pool Award: Given to the NHL’s worst driver
Our nods: Dany Heatley, Gary Bettman, Rob Ramage
The Worst Thank You To End The Season: To the team who fails and bad!
Our nods: Florida Panthers, NY Rangers (Olli Jokinen), Tampa Bay Lightning
The Please Shut Up Pierre Award : Given to Worst Broadcaster or Personality
Our nods: Pierre McGuire, John Stevens, Roger Millions
The Brian Leetch Cab Award: Given to players who get hurt by their own stupidity
Our nods: Brian Leetch, Eric Lindros, Eric Desjardins
The Ted Nolan Memorial Award: Given to player who bangs another’s wife.
Our nods: Eric Lindros, Jeff Carter
The Worst Slogan Award: Self Explanatory
Our nods: We Pray For LA, Caps: Your Cool Alternative, The Isles: We are heart here.
That is enough awards for now…if you have any other god awful ones….just put them in the comments section, facebook, or twitter. We will be waiting for them and enjoy the hockey tonight.